She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
