I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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