I could make wine with my vomit
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
