She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
