Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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