i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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