lets start a swedish sibling band together
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Let's paint friendship bongs
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
