if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
