My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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