Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
