just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
