My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
