My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
