I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
