I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
