Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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