Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
