I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
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