Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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