who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
