they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
