Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
sarcasm needs its own font
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
