Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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