I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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