I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
