Im at strip club and am horny
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
