STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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