hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
The air taste purple.
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