All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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