Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
you had me at cake vodka
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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