I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Randomize
