I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize