explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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