I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
