Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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