Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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