Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
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