this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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