i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
