If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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