All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
