i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
