Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
