I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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