His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
