I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I need help removing her.
Say something about gay babies.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
