New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
