You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I need a beard to bite.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
