Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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