Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Randomize
