ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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