WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
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