Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize