I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
