I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
