He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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