so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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