We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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