My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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