And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
