i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
