New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize