well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
