It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
