The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
