That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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