she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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