I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
