dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize